Bloody 'Ell

So I thought I should take a break from blogging about bitters' crucial role in the classic cocktail (an obsession that now has me seeking an obscure brand that is only available in Japan; how the hell is that going to happen?) and mention the most open-ended, bitters-free cocktail there is: the Bloody Mary!

What makes a Bloody Mary so fun and experimental is lost on an excited little child like me. It should suffice to occasionally call it the pizza of mixed drinks. Even that fails though; I am quite a bit more dogmatic about pizza than I am about a Bloody Mary. (For what it's worth, pizza should be deep-dish, Chicago-style, with spinach and perhaps sausage as toppings.)

So what's a Bloody Mary? It's tomato juice and vodka. That's about it. It sure sounds boring when I phrase it that way. But a pizza would sure suck without oregano and basil and various toppings (Pizza is the salad of entrees--this is going too far). The tomato and vodka is a starting point only. The vodka adds a slight sweetness to the tomato juice.

So what do I add? First of all, I prefer using Aalborg Jubilaems Akvavit to vodka. I am aware that is not an addition of ingredients, but because it adds certain flavors (vodka is flavorless) like dill, coriander, and caraway, we're off to a good start.

What else? Lemon juice is always a good idea; V8 vegetable juice has a lemon-flavored product out. Worcestershire (or "Wusstuhshuh" as Bostonians pronounce it) sauce is probably a defining ingredient of the Bloody Mary by now; I couldn't imagine drinking one without it. And hot sauce. There are a bazillion skillion brands of that out, but Cholula and Yucatan Sunshine habanero sauce are my personal favorites, more tasty than hot. You have to salt it, but this Chicago-raised snob says celery salt is preferable. Did I mention pepper? Add lots of pepper. Pepper is good. The hotter the Bloody Mary, the better. You should be able to taste the Hell fire roasting her damned soul. V8 is also good, though keep it in a sensible proportion to the tomato juice. Yum!

Out here in New England, the people once wondered how they could ever rid themselves of their plague-level clam surplus. Some genius thought to squeeze them over a Bloody Mary until they juiced all over it. That person has not yet received a Nobel Prize so far as I know. The Canadastanis call a Bloody Mary with clam juice a "Clamato," but they also say things like "What the fark is that aboot?

I myself fucking love the clam juice; I wish I had known how at home it is in an alcohol-tomato concoction. I also wish that I never learn how something called "clam juice" is made. Let's wrap up (wing the proportions "to taste"):

1. Tomato Juice
2. V8 is acceptable
3. Akvavit Jubilaems (or other aquavits, or spiced vodkas with dill or pepper, et al)
4. Lemon juice
5. Worcestershire sauce (ingredients include tamarind and anchovy)
6. Celery salt
7. black pepper
8. Hot Sauce
9. ice?
10. Oh yeah! The garnish! Something tall, green, and celery, basically. Unless you wish to adventurous with olives, dill spears, asparagus, etc.