Martini's Ruin

A recent deadly wave of yuppie women has gentrified the American city. In the process, they and the vendors who court them have murdered the American Cocktail, once our greatest contribution as a nation to world cuisine. Case in point, this menu from some chic inner-city lounge/bistro/club:

Appletini:
Vox Apple, Sour Apple Pucker, sour mix, cinnamon sugar rim, caramel drizzle

Caramel Mochatini:
Stoli Vanil, Starbucks Dark Liqueur, butterscotch schnapps, crème de cacao light, caramel drizzle

Cherry Cheese Cake:
Effen Black Cherry, McGillicuddy’s French Kiss, grenadine, half & half, graham cracker rim, cherry

Chocolate Ecstasy:
Stoli Vanil, Godiva Dark, Bailey's, half & half, chocolate cigarette, chocolate drizzle

Clubhouse Cosomopolitan:
ABSOLUT Citron, Cointreau, fresh lime juice, cranberry juice

Creamsicle:
Stoli Vanil, amaretto, triple sec, orange juice

Dirty Martini:
Grey Goose & a touch of olive juice

French Kiss:
Grey Goose, Chambord, crème de cacao light, half & half, chocolate cigarette

Georgia Peach:
ABSOLUT Apeach, peach schnapps, orange & cranberry juices

Grass Skirt:
Malibu Rum, pineapple juice, Midori float

Halsted Martini:
Stoli Razberi, Chambord & Cranberry Juice

Key Lime:
Finlandia Lime, Stoli Vanil, Licor 43, pineapple and fresh lime juices, graham cracker rim

Lemon Drop:
Ketel One Citroen, fresh lemon juice, splash sour mix, sugar rim

Mango Martini:
Finlandia Mango, mango puree, blended with ice

Melon Drop:
Stoli, Midori, lemon-lime soda, sour mix

Mudslide:
Stoli Vanil, Kahlua, Bailey's, half & half, crushed dark chocolate rim

Mysterious Monique:
Grey Goose, Korbel Champagne, pineapple juice

Oatmeal Cookie:
Bailey's, Stoli Vanil, Goldschlager, butterscotch schnapps, graham cracker rim

Peach Bellini:
Korbel Champagne, peach puree, peach schnapps

Pina Colada-Tini:
Cruzan Pineapple, Cruzan Mango, pineapple juice, half & half, grenadine

Pomegrana Tini:
ABSOLUT Mandrin, Amaretto DiSarrono, pomegranate juice, grenadine, grapefruit juice

Presidential:
Belvedere, dry vermouth, bleu cheese stuffed olives

Raspberry Rendevous:
Stoli Razberi, Chambord, sour mix, lemon twist

Reserve Manhattan:
Woodford Reserve and Sweet Vermouth

Rita-Tini:
Patron Silver, Cointreau, fresh lime juice, sour mix

Sapphire Thoroughbred:
Bombay Sapphire & dry vermouth

South Coast:
Midori, Malibu, peach schnapps, orange juice, pineapple juice

Ultimate Black Cherry:
Effen Black Cherry, Razzmatazz, sour mix, cranberry juice, grenadine

Washington Apple:
Crown Royal, Sour Apple Pucker, cranberry juice

Watermelon Splash:
Bacardi Grand Melon, triple sec, sour mix, cranberry juice

If these things are all martinis, then what the fuck is a martini anyway? Is the drink now only defined by that specific glass (except Manhattans, of course)? What's wrong with the word "cocktail" to describe these things?